The Difference Between Men and Women

(Or at least the difference between me and BMG)

I planned to be home from work earlier than my usual 5:30 today. I am staffing a charity bike ride all day on Saturday, and expected to spend most of the day at the ride site leading a crew of seven volunteers who stuffing 1,500 "Goody Bags" for the cyclists.

BMG texts me at 1:00 with one word, "Plan?"

I text back immediately with a picture of the volunteer crew with the words, "Almost done- expect we'll be wrapped up by 2."

30 minutes later he switches to Twitter to communicate with me. If he thought for just a microsecond he might have remembered that I was leading a crew working on an assembly line, and might not be checking Twitter. "I'm starved! Might have to go hunt down some McNuggets...."

30 minutes after that he tweets at me again, "Heading to bank and then to get McNuggets, unless you have better idea. ETA? 2:14?"

I've told him I'll likely be done at 2:00. He knows I'm 45 minutes away. So the guesstimate for my arrival? 2:45 at the earliest.

As it happens, I'm done at 1:30. I leave, with my intern in tow, and head to the nearest red line station to send him to his home before I return to the Tiny Seaside Suburb. After I've dropped the intern off, at 2:15, I call BMG.

"Whatcha doing?" I say.

"I'm running around downtown. Did you get my tweets?"

"Yup. Di you go to the bank and McDonalds?"

"Bank yes, but not McDonalds. I've been waiting for you."

"Uhm, you said you were going to get lunch. It is 2:15. I've already eaten lunch. Go get your lunch."

Annoyed, he hangs up.

And this, dear readers, is the difference between BMG and me:

• He tweets in my direction with a vague pronouncement of hunger and a desire for lunch. Not hearing my reply, he automatically assumes that I am on board with his plan to get McNuggets at 2:14 PM.

• I, on the other hand, would do the opposite. If I had heard nothing via Twitter, phone, or text from BMG about my Internet proposal for a midday meal, I would assume I was on my own and go get my own damn lunch.

So would you characterize BMG as an optimist, an extrovert, or a narcissist? And what would you call me?