Words I DON'T like

I did a short blog post on words I DO like - gems like crumbalievable (which means deliciously and unbelievably crumbly), and drunkle (a drunk uncle).

Now, I believe, it is time for a post on words I DON'T like. Or, the WORD I don't like. There is just one. At least today there is just one. And it is.....swipe. It conjures up the image of a slippery wipe. And there is not a single image I want in the imaging part of my brain LESS than a slippery wipe.

Let's all do our best to keep the world swipe free. Here are some suggestions to help.
1. Find yourself in a conversation where you need to talk about the furtive theft of a small item, consider alternatives like "steal," "pinch," or "shoplift."
2. Using your debit card at the grocery store? How about "sliding" your card instead?
3. Filing a report with the local police after finding your parked car was hit from the side? Described the accident as having involving a "parallel collision between one moving vehicle and one parked vehicle."

Okay, I've done my part to keep the world swipe free. Now it is up to you. Thank you very much.

Smellier

I just spell checked "Broken Up About It". The trusty spell check function here on blogger suggested that the word Somerville, my fair city, was not in fact a word. Their suggested options for the correct spelling included the word "Smellier."

Hmmmm. Maybe THAT'S why the city has had such a hard time shaking its unfortunate nicknames of "Slummerville" and "Scummerville".

Broken up about it

What is the "hip" term nowadays to refer to the person who does your hair? Is it hair stylist? I've always been unsure of how I'm supposed to refer to Umberto Rossetti, the "guy who does my hair." And now it doesn't matter. Because I broke up with Umberto yesterday. I broke up with him while driving home from work and I surprised myself by actually tearing up over it while stopped in traffic on 93 South.

Umberto has been cutting my hair every five to eight weeks for nearly seven years. Umberto is the one who gently told me that my home coloring job was a mess and encouraged me to get my color done professionally. I was part of the transition to Umberto being someone who rented a chair in a Somerville salon institution to becoming a small business owner. Every time I go to his salon, which he owns with his cousin Carlo, I feel beautiful. I have been known to go to the salon 30 minutes early just to sit and read magazines and relax amidst the banter.

Between my recent move to an oceanside suburb about 20 miles south of my old stomping grounds in Somerville, MA, the hectic pace of my job, and the wild success of Umberto's salon, I cannot make an appointment time work for me. It take nearly two hours to do my hair - 45 minutes for the color (rich heather) and another 45 minutes for the cut and styling and 15-20 minutes of waiting and other silliness. I don't want to be in Somerville for another 2 hours after the work day ends. I cannot justify taking two hours off (or even two 1 hour periods off) in the middle of the day, and I don't want to go back to Somerville on the weekend. I'm stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place.

So, yesterday I went to Deja Vu in Hingham (recommended by BMG's not particularly dowdy mom and his hip suburban sister-in-law) and booked two appointments - one for a color and one for a cut. And now it feels like I'm dating again. This is like a hands-on interview to learn if Robin and Sarah can possibly give me the experience of feeling beautiful and relaxed while in the chair. If not, I'll have to go back to Umberto with evidence of my cheating on him emblazoned upon my head, asking for forgiveness.

I am, I am Super Girl, and I can do anything

Thanks to NSBN for directing me to this silly online quiz from her blog.

Your results:
You are Supergirl

Supergirl 72% Superman 70% Wonder Woman 67% Spider-Man 65% Catwoman 60% Iron Man 60% Hulk 55% Green Lantern 50% Robin 40% Batman 35% The Flash 25%

Lean, muscular and feminine. Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

Soapy definition

If someone douses you with liquid soap are you then clean, or dirty?

What to eat at a funeral

So I'm reading my newest favorite blog, www.cakewrecks.blogspot.com. The cover cake wreck is a three dimensional rendering of the twin towers in NY with an emotive "We will never forget" in curlicue writing at the base of the towers. Trolling through more than 175 comments I find this curious nugget:

"In my opinion cake is normally used for celebration. (At funerals you usually see pie[.])"

True? I must admit I'm not a big fan of funerals. I express my sympathy better in writing, and my sadness in less public forums. But, of the five or six funerals I have attended, I can say for certain I've never seen cake NOR have I seen pie. I've seen plenty of deli platters and pre-fab fruit platters, and I have a vague recollection of one of those giant chocolate chip cookies decorated like a cake. And never have I heard someone say, "At funerals you see pie." What makes pie more suitable, more solemn, more commemorative than a cake? I know plenty of women (and some men) who drown their sorrows in brownies and cookies. Is there something about pie that just says, "So sorry someone died"? I don't get this comment at all.

This brings me to another question. What is it with funerals and grocery store catering? Where are all of the people who channel their grief and sadness into cooking? Why haven't they opened "Funeral Foods Catering Company" so they can make delicious food for post-funeral gatherings and wakes for the foodies who are too bereft to cook? Maybe this will be a challenge on the next Top Chef the funeral food challenge? What foods would you want to assuage your sadness at a funeral?

I'm a believer!

"I don't believe in traffic rotaries." This is a misuse of the English language that burns me the most. You don't BELIEVE in traffic rotaries? How can you not BELIEVE in them? They obviously exist, and it is likely you, the non-believer, has driven through one and found them aggravating or scary or frustrating. I think what you MEAN to say is "I don't LIKE traffic rotaries."

It is likely you, dear readers, have heard (or perhaps committed) similar misuse of the word "believe."

"I don't believe in red bean ice cream."
"I don't believe in women serving in combat roles in the military."
"I don't believe in zoos."

Most of the time, when I've heard people misuse the word "believe" what they are implying is they either don't like something, or don't endorse it. Try it. Insert the word "like" or "endorse" in any of the three phrases above. It works. And, it makes the speaker sound far more sane than your average holocaust denier.

Which leads me to my question. What is happening in our society that the weighty word "believe" has become a stand-in for the lighter word "like" or more emphatic "endorse"? Is this a natural outcome of the increasing role of the Christian right in our social life, where fundamental values and beliefs become the yardstick by which grocery store purchases and entertainment options are weighed? Is it simply a by-product of the American tendency to go to extremes in all manner of things?

Whatever the reason, I can say definitively that I don't believe in it.