I'm a loser

I stumbled upon this poem by Elizabeth Bishop. It feels like it characterizes the part of me who is trying to let go of being so perfect, so tightly wound, the part of me I call "The Closer".

One Art - By Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

Thank you Mr. Caldwell

Mr. Caldwell, my 7th grade social studies teacher, clearly recognized my Pulitzer potential. With his encouragement, I wrote a prize winning essay comparing and contrasting present day (1983) toy culture versus colonial era toy culture. I got to read my essay aloud to the members of the Syracuse Chapter of the Daughters of the American Revolution at a tea and cookie ceremony in a Syracuse-style manse somewhere on the campus of Syracuse University.

Evidence of my genius is in these brilliant excerpt:

"...Guns have also changed quite a bit. Back in the colonial period boys usually had their own real guns. From what I have studied, they didn't have toy guns. The boys may have used gun-shaped sticks or their hands, but they did have plastic toy guns like we have now. The boys were also the only ones who were supposed to use guns. Nowdays it is different. Both girls and boys play with guns, but real ones are not allowed in our present day community..."

And this gem.

"...The difference between board games is great. Back in the colonial period board games were very simple compared to the board games we have now. There were no fancy mechanisms that move your playing piece for you. The games did not have credit cards or intricate thought process...no fancy electronic gimmicks were included."

*****
Mr. Caldwell died in what we were told was a single car crash during the spring of my 7th grade year. I would like to let him know that I am grateful for the way he encouraged me, and I felt proud to be a good student in his class.

Day of the Dead

Day of the Dead runs from October 31st-November 2nd. And this raises an opportunity to again tell a funny story about my niece, M, who celebrates her fifth birthday on Saturday. Perhaps her connection with Day of the Dead is the reason for this amusing story:

*****

M was with my mother at the cemetery where my grandmother was buried six years ago. My mother regularly goes to put fresh flowers in the urns at this family plot. While my mom was fussing with the flowers, M was playing around the "memory stones" - an activity all of my nieces and nephews seem to enjoy. They practice letters and numbers in cemeteries, learn about family and social relationships, and make up stories about the people remembered in cemeteries. Anyhow, M took a break from her playing and asked my mom, "Can we dig up Gigi's body?" Nearly choking my mother replied, "No M, we cannot dig up Gigi's body. Why do you want to do that?" And M replied, "Well, I've never seen a real live skeleton and I really want to see one."

*****

Day of the Dead is a holiday observed most famously in Mexico - but observed in different ways in different cultures around the world. It is a time when the membrane between the living world and the dead world is thin enough for messages to pass between the two worlds, and families use this time to talk with their dead relatives and to give them objects they may need to sustain them in their next life. Who do you want to talk with on Day of the Dead this year?

Hellooo Kitty

Hooray for the folks at "Who Sucks" who pointed out this excellent news story which I found while I was searching for Hello Kitty paraphenalia to buy for my niece. I really need to get a cat.

What does "race" mean in today's politics?

In Boston there is a reportedly bitter fight for the State Senate seat in the 2nd Suffolk District. Incumbent Dianne Wilkerson, an African American woman, lost in the primary to Sonia Chang Diaz, an American-born woman who is (at least) 50% Latina. Wilkerson is now running a right-in campaign against Diaz. Part of her argument is that as a black woman she can better represent minorities in Roxbury, Dorchester and Jamaica Plain than Diaz, who isn't a minority. "Race is definitely an issue in this campaign," I heard Wilkerson say on a WBUR interview yesterday afternoon.

WAIT A MINUTE! Did I hear that correctly? Both candidates could be called minorities by the US Census. African American isn't more "racial" than Latina. They are both minority groups that that face systemic, institutional oppression. What the heck is happening in Boston politics that two women would be qwibbling over who is more oppressed and therefore more qualified to represent other minorities? If race is a qualification, who is to say that Wilkerson can represent the Asians in Chinatown that are part of the 2nd Suffolk District, or the Latinos who dominate Jackson Square in Jamaica Plain? Has the word "race" become a code to mean "black"? And, if so, why can't we just say "Black" or "African American"? And, how can this ridiculousness be happening while on the national stage our nation is rallying behind a strong, smart charismatic leader who happens to be biracial? Presidential politics show us that as a nation we are (finally) ready to see that an African American man can be the best qualified candidate. For many people the election isn't about race, but about qualification.

What qualifies someone to be an elected leader? I would argue that it is the ability to positively motivate a team of people toward a common goal or purpose. It is savvy intelligence, and the ability to identify and convene a complementary group of people together to work together to implement strategic priorities. A record of accomplishment - both in one's personal life and professional life, integrity, strong and inspiring communication skills, ability to communicate values of justice and fairness are also high on my list of priorities for a leader. An elected official doesn't need to look like the people s/he represents in order to represent them. If this were the case, we'd either need 20+ presidents working together to represent all the kinds of people in the United States, or we'd need to be satisfied with having only one or two constituencies represented at a time. A strong elected leader doesn't need to look like the people s/he represents in order to represent them. They just need to be able to listen and trust the experience of their constituents as expressed directly by the people or their proxies (e.g. union reps, other elected officials, advocates).

If I were a voter in the 2nd Suffolk District I would in fact wonder about Dianne Wilkerson's "character" because of her personal problems - bankruptcy, ethics violations and financial misconduct chief among them. I would also consider her accomplishments as an incumbent Senator in my consideration of her being fit for office. And, I probably would have voted for Chang Diaz in the primary. I believe Dianne Wilkerson's politics and rhetoric about race are dangerous and mistrustful and not what we need in Boston or America.

Gammy's World

I excerpt here an anecdote relayed to me by my sister E. Some relevant background. E and her family live in rural upstate NY, with dairy cows and windmills as their nearest neighbors. Their small community is approximately 30 minutes from Syracuse, NY - where my mother lives in a part of town with an increasing number of African-American families, Latinos and Asian immigrants. The high school I attended, six blocks from my mother's house, was more than 35% African American and there were race riots of a sort when my youngest sisters were in school - in the late 1980s. It is also worth noting that my mother, who is called "Gammy" by nieces and nephews, is currently a foster parent to several immigrant refugee teens, including a handful of boys from Sudan.

Now...on with the anecdote.

*****

E and her 4 year-old daughter (M) were in line at Macy's. Behind them was an African American woman and her child. M tugged on E's hand and asked curiously, "Mommy, are we in Gammy's World?"

"Uhm, no. We're in Macy's sweetie," said my sister, barely containing an incredulous laugh. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, there are brown-skinned people here. And I only see brown-skinned people in Gammy's world."

E gulped, stifled the laugh recognizing the seriousness of this conversation, and said, "Well M. There are brown-skinned people everywhere! Not just in Gammy's world."

"Nooooh mommy," M replied authoritatively, "there are NO brown-skinned people where WE live."

E cocked her head, thinking about how to respond to this. Because M was right. There are in fact NO brown-skinned people where they live.

*****

How would you have responded at that point?

Bitter coffee drinkers unite!

Do people in other countries have as many sugar and sugar-like substance options when they go out for coffee? We have granulated white sugar, sugar in the raw brown sugar, Equal (blue packet), Sweet and Low (pink packet), Nutrasweet (yellow packet), and, in some tony location, sugar syrup.

Life is complicated enough without having at least four different sugar or sugar-like substances from which to choose at breakfast. I suppose it may be easier to focus one's energy on which sugar you prefer, rather than expending energy on, say, American presidential politics or local rezoning efforts (I don't like to pay attention to this stuff either). Or maybe we're flaunting the fact that we don't live in a nation where we have to deal with food shortages. Some countries are focused on getting ANY sugar to their people. We Americans have up to six options every time we get a coffee. "Ha! Ha! Poor people have no sugar! Look, we have SIX different kinds of sugar plus variations on the white sugar - cubes, packets, shakers! Aren't we lucky to be Americans!"

I've decided to give up sugar in my coffee as a form of slacktivist protest. I invite you to join me until such time that we have a simpler array of options.