Sunday, August 1, 2010

PMS Cafe'

This is my new restaurant, open 24 hours, seven days a week and serving an all-you can eat buffet that includes:

On the sweet side:
  • Chocolate bars

  • Chocolate ice cream

  • Cupcakes (all varieties)

  • Boston cream pie

On the salty, greasy side:
  • Chinese food

  • Cheese (all varieties)

  • Pepperoni pizza with extra cheese

  • Crudite with french onion dip

  • Potato and/or tortilla chips (all varieties except baked)

  • Carnitas, hold the rice, hold the veggies, hold the beans, hold the tortillas

  • Movie popcorn

  • French fries - with cheese, gravy or ketchup

  • Macaroni and cheese

On the salty, greasy, sweet side:
  • Chocolate covered potato chips

  • Peanut butter by the spoonful (side order of M&Ms optional)

All special orders honored upon request.

Private booth seating for one comes with complimentary headsets with affirmations that repeat, "Yes dear, you're right dear," "No, those shorts don't make you look fat," and "I didn't even notice that blemish on your cheek;" televisions exclusively tuned to Lifetime for Women, Wedding Central, Discovery Health, and the Oxygen Network (coming soon - the Oprah Network!); and collectors' editions of OK, Star, and US magazines featuring movie stars with the worst bikini bodies and botched plastic surgery procedures.

Forget the mint! All checks delivered with a complimentary pair of ibuprofen and your choice of diuretic.

1 comment:

Jeff Cutler said...

The cafe should also come with those traffic or police horses so that men could walk on the other side of the street - or the county - when a particularly big crowd was dining at the Cafe.