Saturday, September 4, 2010

Feeling Groovy

I think I've been a little depressed lately. Not Abilify depressed, but definitely not myself.

Today things feel like they've turned around, even for for only a day. How is it different? I noticed I had energy for yard work I've neglected literally for three months. When I was 95% done with yard work I pushed myself to take another 30 minutes to get to 100% done. Then I cooked, not a gourmet meal, but a satisfying meal for myself, without worrying if it would work for BMG. I have a new book from the library that I'm excited to read and don't feel an ounce of guilt about wanting to read when then house is coated in dust and I have a satchel full of work to do.

I've been on the go for 11 hours I don't feel exhausted, sad, or listless. I haven't felt this energized at 7:00 PM in a very long time.

I'm not sure what shifted.
  • Maybe, because BMG is doing more chores around the house I feel less burdened at home?

  • Is it the cumulative effect of nearly 15 years of personal introspection settling into my soul?

  • Maybe it is the long weekend with nothing I HAVE to do? (That's not it, I rarely have anything I HAVE to do. So much of the "HAVE to" is created in my own mind.)

  • I listened to a snippet of a moving story featuring Holocaust survivors' memories on NPR while running errands today. Could that be it? Or maybe the stirring cry I had while finishing "The Hour I First Believed" by Wally Lamb?

  • I am in the midst of a brief reconnection with a dear friend and spiritual touchstone and saw my best friend from childhood last weekend too, which is causing me to look inside of myself and the person I have been, or people have believed me to be causing the shift?
No idea why, but I know it feels good.

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