Freelance writer, Jeff Cutler, has started promoting his business with a series of creative and provocative writing assignments on his website that are reminiscent of the type of writing exercise one might find in a creativity self-help book. This is my response to his latest assignment.
"You are such an oaf. Why are you using ME to shovel these elegant, chick pea-stuffed ravioli into your mouth? You, who professes to want an elegant life? You who craves a graceful, lush life? I suppose I should have known the minute you poured this pasta into a cereal bowl - a cereal bowl - that there was no savoring to be had with this meal. You even went to the trouble of stopping at the nearby gourmet market to buy fresh and locally grown zucchini and a nice goat cheese. What is wrong with you?
Sigh. What is my function tonight? To make sure you don’t injure your gums by accidentally stabbing them with the tine of a fork as you gobble this lovely meal, and to prevent you from spilling goat cheese/caper/tomato down the front of your fitted, Ann Taylor t-shirt so you don’t embarrass yourself later when you have to give an impromptu speech at a televised School Committee. Let the record show that I’m embarrassed for you because of your eating habits. And, I’m proud enough of my role in the silverware drawer to not let you down."