Saturday, April 14, 2012

10 things I learned from my mother

I didn't shower today. I spent the day in my gym clothes; I cleaned the house and and went for a hike. At about 8:00 PM I headed into the bedroom to fold clothes and remembered it was clean pajamas day. And then I realized I could NOT put on clean jammies without first taking a shower. I learned this from my mother. Saturday was the day we changed sheets in my childhood household, which meant we all got baths on Saturday, so we didn't crawl into our fresh sheets with dirty bodies.

Here are ten more lessons I learned from my mother:

 1. It is a waste to throw away moldy food or bruised produce. Try scraping the mold first or cutting out the bad part before sacrificing the food.
 2. Sticking your finger in hot candle wax is a federal offense, because it can burn off your fingerprints. And everyone is required by law to have fingerprints. (This is similar to the "Swallowed gum is never digested; if you continue to swallow gum it will eventually pile up in your body and pop your head off" lesson.)
 3. One isn't *really* sick unless one has a fever or is bleeding from the head. And then it is SERIOUS.
 4. Snickers are the most delicious of the commercial candy bars.
 5. Conformity is not admirable (neither are ostentatious displays of wealth).
 6. Charity - real or perceived - is admirable.
 7. Never pack a cooler for a day trip. Lunch meat, cheeses and other items get unappetizingly soaked.
 8. Be conscious of what underpants you are wearing under what article of clothing; patterned panties under light clothes is tacky.
 9.  Polite slang for a penis is a "horn." (You interpret this. My mom can't explain it.)
10. Homemade cookies are more delicious and virtuous than store bought. In fact, homemade anything is more delicious and/or virtuous than store bought.

1 comment:

Meg said...

From my mom:

1. Always be ready to feed someone breakfast. I always have OJ, eggs, bread, and often bacon in my fridge (along with some fruit) in case anyone needs breakfast. I leave for work long before I feel like eating, and my husband likes cereal first thing (I buy granola / Raisin Bran / Honey Nut Cheerios.) Apparently, many of my high school friends used to drop by after I'd gone early to swim, and my mom would make them breakfast. The Universal Mama. :)

2. Clean as you go. This saves you from going insane while cooking, and makes sure that no mess is too giant to tackle. It also means my end-of-week cleaning chores aren't out of hand.

3. It's better from scratch. This applies to all cooking. I can mostly hit this. :)

4. White sheets are the easiest to maintain. I love white sheets, if only for their bleachability, and capacity to look good under any number of duvet covers.

5. Do laundry daily: I will do a load a day, and I never get backed up. It's five minutes to avoid hours on the weekend.

6. Buy utensils expecting to lose them, but pots and cooking vessels to last. I break or rust whisks almost monthly. My pots are in perfect condition.

7. Keep the lighting low. Candle light and lamp light were all we did growing up, save for project lighting (cooking or sewing.) Even in the bathroom, my mom had lamps on the counter most of the time. Apparently everyone looks and feels better in my Mom's light.

8. Heap coals. I never liked the saying, but the idea of never letting someone else's negativity change you or your reaction resonated with me.

9. We also never climbed into clean sheets without showering.

10. A good soundtrack can make up for a lack of decor.