I didn't shower today. I spent the day in my gym clothes; I cleaned the house and and went for a hike. At about 8:00 PM I headed into the bedroom to fold clothes and remembered it was clean pajamas day. And then I realized I could NOT put on clean jammies without first taking a shower. I learned this from my mother. Saturday was the day we changed sheets in my childhood household, which meant we all got baths on Saturday, so we didn't crawl into our fresh sheets with dirty bodies.
Here are ten more lessons I learned from my mother:
1. It is a waste to throw away moldy food or bruised produce. Try scraping the mold first or cutting out the bad part before sacrificing the food.
2. Sticking your finger in hot candle wax is a federal offense, because it can burn off your fingerprints. And everyone is required by law to have fingerprints. (This is similar to the "Swallowed gum is never digested; if you continue to swallow gum it will eventually pile up in your body and pop your head off" lesson.)
3. One isn't *really* sick unless one has a fever or is bleeding from the head. And then it is SERIOUS.
4. Snickers are the most delicious of the commercial candy bars.
5. Conformity is not admirable (neither are ostentatious displays of wealth).
6. Charity - real or perceived - is admirable.
7. Never pack a cooler for a day trip. Lunch meat, cheeses and other items get unappetizingly soaked.
8. Be conscious of what underpants you are wearing under what article of clothing; patterned panties under light clothes is tacky.
9. Polite slang for a penis is a "horn." (You interpret this. My mom can't explain it.)
10. Homemade cookies are more delicious and virtuous than store bought. In fact, homemade anything is more delicious and/or virtuous than store bought.