Welcome 2017!

2016 was a weird fucking year. Consider the following things that happened just in my little corner of the world:

• A neighbor crashed his car into my car while it was parked in my driveway
• A con man posing as a landscaper stole nearly $1,000 from me
• On-going health issues with BMG led to two long hospitalizations and one surgery 
• The Downton Abbey series ended on PBS
• "He Who Must Not Be Named" was elected president of the U.S. in a weak victory in November
• A dear friend was raped and murdered by an apparent stranger on Christmas day

Reflecting on this list, I can see why I'm feeling so vulnerable today. Many of these experiences are big. And largely out of my control. Ugh.

I want 2017 to be a hopeful year, a year that offers life-affirming adventures, So, I also want to look at the bright spots from 2016, to see where I can draw power. These include:

• Losing (and keeping off) nearly 25 pounds through hard work, a healthier diet, and a new found commitment to exercising
• Learning I have only an ulcer, and not heart disease or stomach cancer
• Being reminded of how great my community is when a retired neighbor took pity on me after the landscaper con and helped me finish a major gardening job
• Purchasing a kayak rack after six years of kayak ownership, finally widening my boating circle exponentially
• Taking a BMG-free trip to DC in October to visit with family and to be reunited with two dear college friends
• Receiving multiple forms of recognition at work for excellence on the job, including be nominated and accepted into a regional women's leadership program

Analyzing this list I see that my power lies in making life affirming choices, working hard, and connecting with the positive people around me. 

Tonight, as I raise my flute of champagne in honor of the earth finishing another trip around the sun, I'll be wishing for another year of adventures, made possible with the strength I find from within, and from the people who help make my life complete.  

Welcome 2017!

Bucket List, you're mine!

I have a vaguely defined goal of seeing all of the 58 official national parks in the U.S. So far I've seen eleven. And, by the end of June I think my life list will jump to fifteen. BMG and I are planning a stateside driving vacation in June - from Miami to Boston. Here is the list of parks we think we can hit:

• Biscayne National Park - 95% of the park is underwater so we'll snorkel and kayak for a day.

• From there we'll head north, swing through Savannah GA, Charleston SC (and Fort Sumter National Monument), before turning west and heading to Congaree National Park in South Carolina. 

• After exhausting this national reserve, we hope to drive inland to hit the most popular park in the system, the Great Smoky Mountain National Park, which offers beautiful vistas of eastern Tennessee and the western Carolinas.

• Shenandoah National Park - Classic forests in the Eastern US just south of DC - geocaching for geologic treasures is a featured activities.

From there we hit the metropolitan Washington DC region, which is rife with national monuments, landmarks, historic sites, battlefields and other locations that are dedicated to permanently sharing the natural history of the continent, and telling story of the America as she was settled by Europeans. Thank you President Wilson for creating the National Park Service.

If we can get through this itinerary, I can bring my national park list list to more than 25% of the parks (and all of the parks on the eastern seaboard). Bucket list, you ARE mine!

***

Have you been to any of the parks on the June to do list? What do you recommend we see?

Any parks you've been to that are not yet on my tic list. Which do you recommend I definitely make time to visit. Why?

2011: The year in review

Let's take a look at the milestones of 2011, at least in my personal universe:

January is neutral:

Same old, same old

February is not so great:

Travel to beautiful Sanibel Island, FL to visit my "MIL" and "FIL." "FIL" is dying, so this visit is, in many ways, about saying good-bye to him in a place he loves. Tear ducts - and heart - are preparing for the inevitable.

March is neutral:

The pallor of death casts over everything, making the same old, same old feel hard.

April sucks:

"FIL" dies - devastated beyond belief.

May is high and low:

Prearranged, week-long trip to the Happiest Place on Earth with BMG, my mother, youngest sister and her family. Contrary to all expectations, we have a great time.

The day we get back from Disney World, my favorite cat (sorry Ducky) is struck by a car and killed. Devastation again.

June is steely:

Inspired by a friend who quotes Goethe in Panera, I decide it is really time to look for a new job.

I celebrate my birthday by buying a kayak. Summer fun here I come!

July is neutral:

Same old, same old. Knowing I'll be leaving my job soon (can you say confident?) I don't take a vacation.

August is great:

Bad economy be damned! I have a new job! Quitting the old job is tough, but 100% the right thing to do. I run the Warrior Dash with my friend Sarah and my sister E.

September is great:

Start the new job - transitions are hard and I find them energizing.

October has ups & downs:

Funeral for friend Ellen's mom early in the month, grand opening of Massachusetts' firstWegman's store, and a late month trip to Baltimore to visit with my sister and her kids make this an active and emotionally neutral month.

November is a mixed bag:

Another trip to Florida (that's three this year) for Thanksgiving with BMG and his family; celebrating without the "FIL" is emotionally difficult. I'm glad I'm only there for 3 days.

On the plus side, we are approved for a mortgage to buy our house, and meet with our architect to discuss extensive renovations.

December is a mixed bag:

Happy about Christmas (participate in a sing-a-long in downtown Boston, have a great party at Brasserie JO with BMG and our friend Ellen). We close on the house.

Having my car decommissioned by an MBTA bus puts a damper on the celebratory spirit. A funeral for Lardito's dad was beautiful, and reopened some wounds.

*****

How would I characterize 2011? A year with an enormous amount of major changes. Two deaths, new house AND new job? That is a lot of change for one year. And it will only continue as BMG and I prepare to turn our lives upside down with a major home renovation in 2012.

Looking back on 2011 a toast starts to rattle around in my brain. On new year's eve I will life my winestein high and say,

"Here's to coming out on the other side of 2011 stronger because of all the changes - stronger in attitude and spirit. May 2012 bring more quiet moments to enjoy the blessing of my life from the vantage point of my bike, my kayak or my skis."

Happy end to 2011 and happy 2012!

Hello 42!

You've heard the question before, "What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" Or, "What are the first things you would you do if you won $700 million in the lottery?" Both are variations of the now popular "bucket list" idea. You know, where you make a list of all the things you want to do before you die?

I welcome the start of my 42nd year on this planet tomorrow. Birthdays always put me in a reflective mood - considering how I've grown in the past year, and who I want to be in the next year. The start of my 40s was filled with excited anticipation, and the prospect of being free to really dig into my "bucket list", which includes:
1. Live in NYC and/or Paris for at least six months
2. Learn to speak French
3. Successfully grow a giant pumpkin
4. Carve a giant jack-o-lantern
5. Hike Mt. Kilimanjaro
6. Provide some sort of service work (e.g. Peace Corps, NPS VIP Corps, etc.)
7. See as many of the US national parks as possible
8. Be a more diligent biker or kayaker
9. Do "the" road trip across the US
10. Water ski.

At first blush the last year has been a disappointing one because I haven't come substantively closer to achieving any of these things.

No one WANTS to be disappointed with themselves. Well, at least I don't. So I dug a little deeper. How would I characterize my 41st year?

One of the most significant changes is the evolving sense of peace I feel in my relationship with my mom. A light bulb was turned on and I realize that, while I am fundamentally different than she is, this doesn't preclude our having hundreds of ways we can appreciate and enjoy one another.

"Coming to peace with mom" isn't on my bucket list. But it probably should have been. Not only because being at peace with one's parents is a noble endeavor but also because, for me, the energy I put into my psychic wranglings with my mother (my childhood, my (mis)perceptions of my adult capacities) kept me from feeling the confidence I need to take bold steps towards achieving my goals.

I'm one year deeper into my life, and not outwardly any closer to crossing anything off my short list of aspirations. But inwardly, I'm ready for year 42 to begin.

When I First Believed in God

I first believed in god after my initial glimpse of Yoesemite Valley from the road to Glacier Point in Yosemite National Park.

I was struck by the clarity with which I could see the power of glaciers that sheared off Half Dome, carved the valley to Mirror Lake and Tuolumne Meadows, and created water ways from the Sierras to locations like Vernal and Bridal Veil Falls. I know the geological mechanisms that continue to shape the topology of this National Park. I also felt the presence of something much larger than myself as I entered the park for a six-day car camping trip in 1999.

The last 24 hours in the Park I went backcountry camping through the the Wawona region, in the less traveled southern part of this national treasure. At the start of strenuous 8.2 mile hike, through endless switchbacks to the curvy Chilnualna Falls, I fell in love with the gorgeous ingenuity of the manzanita shrubs that covered the mountain side. At the end of the first day of hiking, tent pitched in a dry creek bed, I had the privilege of seeing the Northern lights, confused at first for white fuel-induced visions. The beauty of the earth and the sky, along with my own triumph at having accomplished the hike, only reinforced my sense of a power greater than that of any single species.

*****

The blog post was written in response to call for stories about the National Parks. Share your story with the National Parks Conservation Association.

Photo credits to The Cachegetter.

Saving a Marriage

"I'm kind of embarrassed to ask this, but, I think you can help me save my marriage."

So starts my conversation with Ryan at Hingham Bathing Beach this morning. He is a tall man pulling kayaking gear and children out of a shiny SUV parked one spot away from my battered sedan and my sand-covered kayak.

"Do you live near here?" he continues.

I nod, cock my head and squint one eye, indicating he should continue.

"My wife is ready to kill me because I left one of our paddles at home. We drove all the way from Newton to go to World's End, only to find out they don't let people kayak from the Reservation. We got caught in a Memorial Day parade in Weymouth. We left 2 hours ago and we still aren't in the water. She's really ready to divorce me."

I look at the woman carrying an infant and ferrying a toddler towards two kayaks on the shore maybe 20 feet away.

Ryan then asked tentatively, "Are you done for the day? Can we, uhm, borrow your paddle?"

I thought for a moment about BMG, and how mad he'd be if the paddle was lost or stolen or damaged. And then I put myself in Ryan's shoes, feeling the frustration and anger and disappointment that comes from best laid plans that are about to be thwarted.

"Sure," I replied, "You can borrow my paddle. I'm done for the day."

We exchanged numbers, and I told Ryan to call when they got back to the Harbor. He could leave the paddle at the gazebo on the town green, just beyond the asphalt where we both had parked our cars.

As he triumphantly ran down the beach with the paddle and I started tying up my kayak, the elderly couple in the car on the other side of mine said to me, "Nice work. You really did save their marriage. You should have heard them arguingI"

I smiled and said in my most pious voice, "Do unto others, for you never know when you'll need a favor from a stranger someday."

****

If feels good to do something nice for someone you don't know - particularly something that is immediately recognized as a an act of generosity. Why? For me I feel like I've done just a tiny bit to create joy for someone else, and through my actions, reinforced my own wish for a world filled with kindness and respect.